remembering

Gematria for Nachash (nun chet shin) = 50 + 8 + 300 = 358
Gematria for Meshiach (mem shin yod chet) = 40 + 300 + 10 + 8 = 358

Nachash is Serpent
Meshiach is Messiah

"Nachash is the guide that tempts us to incarnate. Meshiach is the teacher that leads us to wholeness. Two sides of the same door.

"All experience of pain comes from separation. All experience of joy comes from (re)union. In order to have the chance to re-member (-->joy) we need to choose to first forget." - Rabbi Ted

("New learning, new insight and new knowledge carry an energetic potential for change. Disjointed irrelevant data do not..." Reconnecting, re-membering, putting the joints back into alignment. 

I am going through my notebooks for the past more-than-ten years, choosing to remember after a long time of forgetting. These notes are from 2002.) 

ripening self

There are many names and quotes and terms I would normally make links for, in this post, but I want to publish it before sundown and the beginning of the holiday.

Today, for another few minutes, is the last day "in the wilderness" between freedom from enslavement (the story of Passover) and "revelation," stepping into the responsibility of freedom (tonight begins the holyday of Shavuot). It's the last day of "counting the omer," (didn't that seem like a long time?), counting the steps between two ways of being, making each day count.

Shavuot is the cyclical experience of standing at Sinai with all the children of Israel ("isra-el" meaning, "one who is wrestling with god") from all time, of hearing a voice which tradition says was/is outwardly silent, inwardly shattering. Rabbi Gerson Winkler of the Walkingstick Foundation writes about his experience, including this encounter with Miriam, the sister of Moses:

"...You want to explore the meaning of life? You want to achieve Nirvana? Go attend some self-discovery seminar, or read some bestselling paperback on how to attain enlightenment in six easy steps. You want to explore the will of God? Be ready for some seemingly mundane stuff about wholesome, conscientious relating with your ox or donkey, with your laborer, your housekeeper, your children, your partner. That's what God wanted to talk about directly, and chose to do it in a direct open major revelation so as to draw your attention to what is really important, not what you surmise is important; to get the point across loud and clear that the theme of this life is Relationship: relationship with self, other, earth, and with the mystery from which all emanates."

"Every Shavu'ot I recall my encounter, with God at the Mountain of Sinai; with Miriam at the Tent of Meeting. Every Shavu'ot I feel myself ripen, so much so that I trust enough to release my desperate grip on the Tree of Knowledge, and allow myself to fall onto the earth."

Following the energies of the Kabbalistic Tree of Life has brought us today to the Ground of the Ground, the day of the energy center called Malchut, in the week that also corresponds to Malchut. Rabbi Ted writes, "We are here, in this world of countless wonders. This is where we must realize the energies of the Tree. This is the space in which and for which we have responsibility."

Malchut is also called Shechinah, the in-dwelling, the filling up, the brimming over Presence.

Jay Michaelson writes,

"...There's a wise teaching that while the mind may know that all is one, the heart still experiences two. You and me; here and there; now and later — or before. And so the heart experiences a yearning which is sometimes sweet, oftentimes holy, and other times bitter and tinged with pain.

This yearning is also part of our reality. Our experience of separateness is part of our reality. And that which is present is not mere illusion: it is the Presence of the Divine, the shechinah, the tenth sefirah, also known as malchut, sovereignty...

...In Divine terms, malchut is the world that we experience, which is filled with the Shechinah, the Divine presence. Malchut is that aspect of the Divine which is totally immanent, absolutely here and now, closer to you even than your concept of "you."

Consequently, malchut is also that aspect of God which — as expressed poetically, and in ways that would horrify some rationalist philosophers — experiences what we experience. When we experience joy, malchut experiences joy; when we experience sadness, malchut experiences sadness. Most radically, when people are oppressed, enslaved, or even exterminated — this is malchut's experience as well."

A journey of only 50 days -- plenty long enough to be very challenging to my ability to sustain attention. Marking each step with a very brief ritual blessing was easy to remember almost every night; following along with the specific meditations was manageable for a few weeks out of the seven; making each day count, paying attention to how each moment is worth counting -- so much more challenging, so much more important.

George Por writes, "...a pattern that I sense as essential to our survival: for the new (temporary) states of collective consciousness to lead to the next stage of social evolution, they call for the sustained attention of groups in the tip of the wave to evolutionary dialogues, learning journeys into the future that wants to come into being through our loving attention to the 'magic in the middle,' as the late Finn Voldtofte used to talk about it."

I like to think that "the sustained attention of groups" can mean that the heart and mind and intention that I give to the groups that I care about, contributes to the habit and the practice of attention that calls forth "the future that wants to come into being" through us, and then that attention can remain steady and sustained and available to me and to all of us, even as some of the individuals in the group have their turn to lose focus (me, this week).

Rabbi Ted writes, on the threshold of awakening, "We are already the One we need to be."

halfway through the wilderness

Tonight begins not the 26th day and not the 28th day of the counting of the Omer. The movement through the wilderness that began with Passover (the beginning of freedom from enslavement) and will culminate on Shavuot (the revelation of the responsibilities of freedom) is counted as 49 days/steps, so we are now a little more than half way. At this point, I am aware that I am often saying the blessing as a quick thought- between- thoughts, and sometimes forgetting to say the blessing at all (I would forget many more nights except that I am on a daily "count the omer" email reminder list!) and that at a deeper level, haven't been consciously "making each day count" as fully as I want to.

Being a glass-half-full kind of gal, though, I can choose to receive this momentary waking up, already halfway through the wilderness, as a blessing -- I still have a little more than three weeks to participate ever more fully in this ritual counting of the days, in this ritual focus on the lifetime practice of making each day count.

Rabbi Ted writes this about the Day that begins tonight, the day of Yesod (Foundation) in Netzach (Victory/Vitality):

...Yesod, [is] the seat of ego, the place of our lesser "i," the identity with which we interact with our world. This is the Foundation from which our energies will reach out to our world.
Yesod brings this Foundation for expression into Netzach. From our physical sensations and perceptions comes our experience of the world. Netzach encourages our appreciation of that which is behind all specific forms of sensation; Yesod provides the avenue through which those energies will be able to act in the world.
Daily Focus:
My energies flow more freely now than every before. I honor the work I do in the world, and breathe new life into my being. I know the blessing of my lesser self that carries my energies out into the world for good. I am a center of energy expressing Life this day.

Artwork above "Ain Ode" (c) Avraham Lowenthal, Tzfat Gallery of Mystical Art

energy and form

This week resonates with the energies of the level on the Tree of Life called Gevurah (Strength, Limits) or Din (Judgment). Last night and today was the day of Gevurah in Gevurah, and tonight we enter into the day of Tiferet (Beauty, Balance) in Gevurah.

Rabbi Ted points out that,
"Gevurah, 'Strength,' is the most problematic sefirah on the Tree of Life. It is generally seen as the sefirah of Judgment, since another traditional name for this sefirah is Din, which literally means 'judgment.' Gevurah is on the left side of the Tree and so represents form, and within the world of form unfold the polarities of our experience. Gevurah represents the forms called 'feelings,' forms which contain and limit emotional energy. With Gevurah comes happiness as well as sadness, pleasure as well as pain. We cannot know one without the other. So Gevurah is seen as the origin of 'evil,' since it is the place where we first feel 'good.'

Part of the Ted's suggested meditative focus for Gevurah in Gevurah is "When I accept my current experience, I allow an expansion of feelings. New forms emerge to express deeper levels of my own integrity."

And now we've entered into the day of Tiferet -- the center and heart of the Tree of Life, which holds the qualities of Balance, Beauty, Compassion -- still in the week of Gevurah.

Today's meditative focus: "Today what was closed opens again. New possibilities awaken with the day, as I experience a renewed sense of wonder at the expansion I feel deeply within. I discover a fountain of Compassion that nourishes the fuller expression of my Being. In this Compassion, I discover forms of feeling more inviting for the energies of openness and Oneness. There is new joy in this day."

the bottom of the tree of life

Counting the Omer (with Homer!) and continuing to take the steps from the place of enslavement ("mitzrayim") towards the place of revelation ("Sinai") that correspond to levels of energy on the Kabbalistic Tree of Life, we walked yesterday through Malchut (kingdom) in Chesed (lovingkindness), and tonight into a new week, with Chesed in Gevurah (discipline, limitation, strength).

Malchut is the energetic level at the "bottom" of the Tree of Life (the bottom being the branches and leaves and fruit, with the roots reaching the other way, "up" into undifferentiated Source); all the previous energies pour like a fountain into the kingdom, the dense realm of materiality, the world of our ordinary reality. Although the material world (the earth, the dirt) is regarded in some systems of thought as the opposite of the spiritual (the heavens, the sun), far away from the realms of ascended realization, in this perspective the mundane world is always, absolutely, just as suffused with Being as any other realm -- even though it can be shadier here, and foggier. Dark, and cold, and heaviness, are all Yin qualities, as are interiority, femaleness, receptivity, stillness, depth. In many ways the most Yin aspect of the Tree of Life, Malchut corresponds to the aspect of the Divine called the "Shechinah," the Presence that dwells within (shechinah comes from the Hebrew root that also branches into the word for "dwell"), the interiority of Being, often described as the feminine aspect of the Eternal.

Rabbi Ted writes,
"In Malchut all the flavors of the upper vessels manifest, but the Holy is hidden in husks of materiality..."

"I grow more aware of the Presence of Lovingkindness in which this world is held. I feel this deeper influence through every cell of my being. I am always one with this Universal Source of Life. All reality reflects this Loving Presence. In all I meet, I sense the blessing of this Love."

The meditative focus for this next day, of Lovingkindness held in Limitation (the energy that restricts, constricts, and allows for the shaping and channeling of what would otherwise overflow and flood; allows for the formation of all the array of feelings from pure Love):
"I awaken to a new reverence for all the feelings which arise in me now. I grow more aware than ever that the energy of Lovingkindess animates all feelings. This awareness helps me appreciate the incredible dance of feelings I experience. I begin this second week with blessing."

bonding in lovingkindness

"The sixth day of this meditative process brings the energy of Yesod (Foundation) into Chesed (Lovingkindness). Yesod...represents the ego identity in all its glories and all its limitations...

Chesed, the center of Lovingkindness, needs Yesod to carry its energies into the world, and Yesod needs Chesed in order to remember the deeper Nature of its being...

Yesod brings the personal identity, through whom all Creation will be met, into Chesed, the Lovingkindness which seeks that realization."

from A Journey of Awakening, Rabbi Ted Falcon, PhD

"Yesod of Chesed: Bonding in Lovingkindness

For love to be eternal it requires bonding. A sense of togetherness which actualizes the love in a joint effort. An intimate connection, kinship and attachment, benefiting both parties. This bonding bears fruit; the fruit born out of a healthy union.

Exercise for the day: Start building something constructive together with a loved one"

from The Meaningful Life Center, Rabbi Simon Jacobson

eternity and glory in lovingkindness

Today was represented by the energy of Netzach (Reverberation, Endurance, Eternity) in Chesed (Lovingkindness), with the suggested focus phrase from Rabbi Ted, "...There are no limits to the energies now available. Today I honor the new possibilities for self and for the world."

And tonight -- which is not the fourth, and not the sixth, day of the counting of the Omer (the curious custom is that you don't count the day till after you have said the blessing) -- begins the day of Hod in Chesed. Hod means Glory, and Splendor, and according to some teachers is also associated with devotion and humility.

Jay Michaelson writes, "Netzach means 'eternity;' it is the aspect of revelation which stretches horizontally for all time, and the attribute of endurance within the Divine — in the sense both of "God's mercy endures forever" and the more common usage of endurance through difficult times. Hod, its complement, means 'splendor.' It is the aspect of revelation which exists vertically, as a peak experience, or contact with that which is transcendence. It is the source of what Heschel called the experience of radical amazement: the shattering encounter with the numinous that engenders the birth of wonder.

"On the more mundane planes, we can (borrowing from Thomas Edison) understand hod as inspiration, and netzach as perspiration. Hod are those moments of insight at which we sing and shout "awwww!" Netzach are the rest of the times. Hod are, in relationship, those perfect evenings on tropical islands, where the sun sets over the water and the night is filled with love. Netzach are the times you pick your lover up at the airport. To paraphrase Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, hod is like a Ferrari; netzach like a Jeep. To paraphrase Jack Kornfield, hod is the ecstasy; netzach is the laundry."

Rabbi Ted offers this focus for meditation: "My sensations embody Lovingkindness. Through every sensation this Lovingkindness manifests. Today I perceive this Lovingkindness reflected in every perception, and know the blessing of the One Who gives all life its beauty and its glory."

(Kabbalistic Tree of Life above, silkscreen print by David Friedman in Safed, Israel)

tiferet in chesed

Tonight is not the second, and not the fourth, day of the counting of the Omer. Still in the week that corresponds to Chesed (lovingkindness), this day corresponds to Tiferet (harmony, beauty).

Rabbi Ted writes, "On the third day of our process, we seek the balance of Tiferet in Chesed. Tiferet is the Heart Space, translated as "Beauty." It is the sefirah symbolizing the energies ofthe Greater Self, the Individuated "I."
"The Greater Self that lives within each one of us is drawn this day into the field of Lovingkindness. We receive from this outpouring of emotion that which supports the fuller awakening of our deep self. And, in turn, this Self contributes to the reality of Chesed itself..."

The meditative focus for the day:
"Within my heart I meet the deeper message of Love to be expressed through word and deed. I honor the Compassion brought this day into the flow of Lovingkindness. I feel the light of Lovingkindness illuminate my entire being, as I breathe these universal rhythms deeply. I am nourished by the compassionate flow of Life awakening within me now. In this fuller awareness, I grow and I share."

the season of precious metal

it is just a precious day, as all days are too,
but this one is lit all the way through
with that yellow autumn light so acute in the heart
~chris weaver "yellow autumn light"

As the northern hemisphere moves from late Summer into Autumn, we can sense all around and within us the shift in energy, the piercing angle of the light, the crisp brilliance of the air and the dryness of the leaves as they fall away. Cross-cultural anthropologist Angeles Arrien has distilled the indigenous wisdom of many traditions into the awareness that autumn is the time to practice letting go of attachments (~and that we will know when our attachments are lightening, by the bubbling up of our sense of humor~)

“When we are inspired, we are breathed in to a sense of heightened aliveness. What seemed impossible to our rational mind, suddenly seems possible; it seems probable; it seems certain…all we have to do is step out of the way” Stephen Mitchell

In the wild and elegant Taoist 5-Phase system, Autumn is the Metal season, a time to be open to inspiration, to recall and refine what is precious, and to practice letting go of what we no longer need or may no longer hold onto. The natural emotion associated with the process of taking in and letting go — of changing — is grief, a sense of loss that arises whether we are letting go of something we still care about, or are letting go of something that is just familiar or habitual. Subtle aspects of grief such as nostalgia, homesickness, and restless longing, are common autumnal feelings that serve to remind us to appreciate this poignant living moment even as we watch it pass away.The Metal phase is embodied within us as the Large Intestine (Colon), the Lungs, and the Skin — each an important organ of reception and elimination, each an important interface between Inside and Outside ourselves.Autumn is a good time to tonify (strengthen) the Qi (energy) and function of the Lungs, especially for those who experience seasonal respiratory allergies or frequent colds and ‘flu’s. Culinary herbs and spices that gently support the Lung Qi include small amounts of cardamom, anise, or thyme. To ensure the ability of the Lungs to fully receive and absorb inspiration — which pertains both to the inspiration of oxygen-rich air, as well as to creative inspiration — it is important that the Lungs' capacity for expiration — that is, for letting go — is also strengthened. How comfortable are you with breathing out all the way, to the bottom of your lungs? How long can you comfortably pause in that phase of emptiness before you have to allow your Lungs to fill back up? Pranayama, which is the yogic art and science of breath, teaches that a few cycles of slow expiration through slightly pursed lips, with a pause before the next inspiration, will calm the nervous system, soothe pain, and enhance cellular detoxification and nutrition.

“We breathe air deep into the most moist, warm, intimate parts of our bodies, and we fuse to the air. You can’t draw a line and say the air ends here, and I begin there. There is no line.” David Suzuki, Bioneers Conference 2003

The Skin, which is ruled by the Lungs, is the largest organ of the body and an obvious interface between the inside and the outside of our bodies. At the microscopic level, though, we are constantly exchanging molecules, heat, and electromagnetic energy with the surrounding environment. Echoing the old medicine traditions and indigenous wisdom, science gives us the tools to deeply appreciate that our bodies don’t end at our skin. Our skin skillfully protects and contains our internal organs, while at the same time much of what we perceive about the outside world—the rest of the Earth’s body—comes from signals we receive through our skin. Our complexions, via fleeting changes in color and radiance, and our myriad complex facial expressions, also serve to connect our “inside” to our “outside” by transmitting signs and hints that can reveal very precisely our inner states.

The countless dazzling foliage colors that illuminate the landscapes so characteristic of Autumn suggest another precious Metal insight: the understanding that the glorious beauty of Nature arises from multiplicity and assortment. Our friend, Rabbi Ted Falcon, remarks in his teachings that the word for “face” in Hebrew (“panim”) is a plural construction. All of the wisdom traditions suggest, just as the Hebrew word subtly underscores, that each of our individual faces is really composed of many faces — all the various masks and expressions that we put on for different occasions — and at an even deeper level, that every single one of our faces is an essential and indispensable part of the One Original Face, which we could also call the Community of All Beings, the Divine, the Tao, or the face of Nature.